I hope every day by telling my stories and life experiences, that I may enrich others with advice and life skills to help them become better people. That’s the ultimate goal. We’re all in this game of life, together.
We’re all in this game of life, together.
No Place Like Gone, 2022
I thought by buying video games that I could make up for my childhood. I thought by hoarding things that I had accumulated over the years that I could keep every memory I’ve experienced since birth. Why? I constantly found myself walking into the same stores weekly to look for something to purchase – again and again. Never-ending. It was affecting me more than I ever truly wanted to realize.
When did I start believing that the more things I accumulated, the happier that I would become? A false pretense, for sure. To leave things short winded, I had a bumpy childhood with the whole family situation. Not to mention that becoming a teenager is already hard on its own. Jesus, have you ever been in a middle school? You’d think they were capable of overthrowing the government, if given the power!
I began to play video games and isolate as often as I could. Only now am I realizing at 26 years old that this was the case. I used video games as an escape, and I began to see people as threats. Why was this happening?
An anomaly that is impossible to explain are mental illnesses with the human brain. Scientists around the world continue to study its’ processes and why illness occurs, but it’s often difficult to pinpoint. Although, it’s universally accepted that we begin to experience things like depression or OCD because of certain life events. Most often when the brain can’t create a solution for something that it is not used to, it will develop mental conditions irregular to you. This still doesn’t explain why I found myself wanting more things, to replace black holes within myself.
So, I set out searching for an answer. Why aren’t things enough? I keep buying more, and my house is filling up. My video game collection is stacking up. Money is going out the door faster than I can make it. What was I missing?
I only recently in the last few months began to see a therapist. I also have been listening to a mental health podcast, and reading material in my leisure. Looking back, I don’t regret any of these decisions. Regardless of what you are struggling with, it always will help to have a professional in your corner. I was skeptical for a long time that anything was even wrong with me. Surely I’m fine. I get up and go to work every day. I’m hardworking and diligent, but I wasn’t happy. It took a lot of introspection and working with others to locate my flaws. Trust me, they were deep under the surface. Most of us don’t have the skills required to dig deep into our consciousness and solve trauma or deep-rooted behaviors. That’s where therapy and getting educated comes into play.
A resource that I highly want to recommend to everyone is the book Own Your Past, Change Your Future by John Delony. Delony is a national best-selling author and part of the Ramsey Solutions team. He also has a mental health podcast and radio show broadcasted across America multiple times a week. With a distinct background in education and psychology, he holds two PhD degrees and many certifications beyond that.
In the book, he speaks about how to recognize your current life situation. No matter where you come from or how your struggles affect you, he gives a step-by-step approach of healing from them and moving forward into your brighter future. I can’t recommend this book and his content any quicker. It will definitely aid you in your journey.
One of the most common things that keeps coming up is that I need connections. I needed friends. I neglected keeping in touch with people. From high school, college, the gym, I hardly kept up with anyone. I began to weaponize people and create excuses everywhere I looked. “Wow this asshole could of put his grocery cart back at the return area instead of leaving it in a parking space.” I began to believe that I hated people. “If people acted more like me then society would be so much better!” I continued creating every myth that I could, placing myself on a pedestal and allowing myself to hate humankind.
So why did I fixate on things? I’ve learned from therapy that things became an obsession for me because I thought that they would replace my incessant need for people. I thought that having more things would bring me safety and prosperity. I truly believed that I could plow through life without anyone in my corner cheering me on. These objects became my “friends” and they never let me down. After all, they can’t speak. They also can’t promise to hang out with you, then not show up. Wow, that’s deep. As I’m writing this, I can feel it. Hopefully this strikes a cord with you too.
I’ve also learned that money is a tool that you can use for good or bad. It allows you to spend money on things to your heart’s content. Money is one of the controllable things that you can make from working. Then you can control it and allow yourself to receive instant feedback. What I mean is, if I work 40 hours at X job, I know I’ll get paid Y amount of money. With Y money, I can buy Z thing. The amount of control that you can feel from spending money on any number of things is powerful. All of these letters makes this feel like Algebra class…
After all of the dust is settled, I have one last thing to say. If you are struggling with anything right now, seek out help. I’ve provided a few resources and examples throughout this read.
No Place Like Gone 