All across the world, countless people are believing different stories that they have been told. Whether they are born a different color than another person, speak a different language, or don’t have access to the same education as others due to their home location. Beliefs truly shape our perspective of how we see life every single day. Sometimes we take these for granted, especially if you are part of a more fortunate social class. Regardless of where you fit on the social spectrum, keep reading to empower yourself with the ability to live a better life, free of chains, and by choosing your own beliefs this time.
Beliefs typically can come from those closest to us: our family, our friends, and our local community. Beliefs can also push their ways into your life by interactions on the internet these days! Wow, technology… (welcome to the internet, where one idiot can say anything dumb and millions of people believe it without question!) It is ultimately up to you to cultivate the life that you want to live, and with the principles that you stand for. The problem is that not many people tell you this throughout your life. It’s a slippery slope of misinformation.
Sure, you’ve probably heard one of the most common sayings, “If you believe something enough, it will eventually come true.” However, most of us never take the time to step back and understand what this actually means. Hell, even I thought this was just motivational jargon for the longest time. Only recently am I seeing the blinding light at the end of the tunnel. What could possibly be so powerful about being positive, or believing in something whole heartedly? Envision yourself leaning full force into a new belief system and changing your legacy, because it does exist.
I was speaking with a friend recently who has a Masters degree in Psychology, and also holds multiple certifications beyond that. She specializes in dog behavioral training and specifically aggression (you can find her on her website Horizon Dogs). We were talking purely psychology, because I’m a learning freak. I mean really, who doesn’t want to understand how to read minds? Anyways, I asked her the question, “I’ve heard that being told something over and over until the point of you actually accepting and believing this as true about yourself is a problem. This can lead someone down into the depths of hopelessness and depression. What causes this, and why does it feel like they are hopeless once they believe something like this so strongly? Like being told they will never find a better job because they aren’t educated enough, and will never be able to afford the opportunity to either,” as a crude example.
Her response summarized was that once a person believes something so strongly, it inherently becomes part of their identity. Once this acceptance of the identity happens, the person will not be able to see an alternative to this identity belief for themself. Combined with the brain’s job of keeping you alive, it typically only fixates on the bad that happens so that it can alert you when to look out for danger. Rarely does the brain look for good things to happen. If it did constantly look for good, then you would never know when danger is coming at you, like a bear! Once you are stuck in a bad identity crisis, your brain will continue the cycle of warning you about bad after bad, which can lead you down the road of anxiety, stress, depression, and more. This is typically where you see mental health conditions surface (not sure what other word to use here) within a person, because their identity closely ties into what your biochemistry produces. Your amygdala responds in a way that shocks your body into fight or flight, which is all part of our ancient anatomy system. Once this happens, your brain solely prioritizes survival which leads to the focus of your neurochemistry network producing adrenaline, cortisol, and other stress chemicals. Because of this, your body also will begin to stock pile fat, which is the reason that most people gain weight when they are depressed or at rock bottom, so to speak. In return, your neural network stops producing things like serotonin and dopamine like it used to. Now, your brain limits your feelings of happiness and pleasure consistently. Essentially, your brain has alerted your body that its time to survive, and all of the bad will continue to cycle through your head until eventually you embrace medical intervention or counseling treatment to interrupt this vicious cycle.
Woah. Line break. Take a breather. Don’t forget to hydrate. Insert cool G-fuel sponsor that I don’t have, but totally need.
Pulling back from the super specific science behind what I just said, it’s important to realize that your beliefs will change the way your brain and body respond to the world around you. There’s countless research studies out there that mention people who are stressed, or always fighting an uphill mental battle with things like depression, will end up living shorter lives. Hear me say that there is ZERO benefit to being angry, sad, or in freak out mode every day. It is your job to focus on your wellbeing, and that includes mental health. Also, here’s a quick video to challenge your view of stress.
If you haven’t connected with a counselor, psychiatrist, or even a doctor, let this be your sign that it is finally time to do just that. I’ll also mention an AMAZING RESOURCE to help you with your perspective of anxiety. Dr. John Delony’s book: Redefining Anxiety, What It Is, What It’s Not, and How to Get Your Life Back.
In this book, Dr. Delony does an amazing job of explaining what anxiety is, how to change your perspective of anxiety, and how to make peace with it in the future. He also has another great book worth checking out for everyone, but he hasn’t paid me enough to mention that one (joking).
Now, let’s move on to productive things that can help you right away.
1. Choose Your Community
What benefit would you get from being around negative people all of the time? The only people that can seriously enjoy being talked down to are not mentally stable. Read that sentence again. This person would surely have low self esteem, and not think much of themselves.
It is undoubtedly your responsibility to go out and cultivate the community that you want to be around. They say that you become like the five closest people that you spend the most time with. So why spend this time with negative people who bring you down? Don’t. Get out and find a group of people who work on furthering themselves. Who see themselves as strong, capable, and healthy. Just because you grew up in a “small town” doesn’t mean you have to keep the same lethargic friends around you forever.
This goes doubly the same with family. Not all family members are positive, and sometimes they can be the worst perpetrators. Your family is generally brutally honest with you. Because of this, they may say things like, “You’ll never be able to live out your dream. It’s just not realistic. You should get a stable job like plumbing, or another trade.” You always hearing things like this aren’t healthy for your belief system.
Go to new places: church, meetups for young professionals, the library, and anywhere else where you can find the people that you most want to be like! I will not listen to the excuse that you are stuck being who you were born to be. No one is stuck being anyone that they do not want to be. Get out and change!
2. Select Your Location
Now I get this will be controversial among different groups. Not everyone can just pick up their life and move to a more prosperous side of town. Especially when you don’t make a lot of money, or have a difficult life situation. I get it, I’m not beating up on anyone in these unfortunate situations.
If you can find a better job, take it. If you can work a second or third job, do it. I just simply don’t buy that you “can’t” get out of poverty in most cases. Yes you live in a bad side of town, yes your family doesn’t have much, yes you were lead to believe that you can’t become anyone in life because of a poor generational mindset in your family. This is a lie. Excuses are easy to make, actions are hard to replicate. Get out there today with a plan to better yourself. This is your life. Don’t settle for anything less.
Spend a period of your life saving up money by working every minute that you possibly can. I know it’s hard, but it’s only temporary for a better future. I mean really, ask yourself this. Are you really furthering your life by sitting around and drinking every weekend with friends? Are you getting raises at work by being distant with your employer, and always calling out because you just don’t want to be there?
As soon as you can, set your sights on a new part of town, new city, or new state that has what you are looking for. More opportunities, better pay, less cultural setbacks; make this your life goal. And lean on your community if they are willing to help you. No one has to do life alone, and you can be in good company with the right motivated people.
Story time! I worked with a guy who was born into a bad part of town, his family was in poverty, and he didn’t know any better as a teenager. He just simply didn’t have the circumstances or opportunity to further himself with his current lifestyle. So, he found the right couple people in his life and once he turned 18, he packed his bags and left home with only $200 to his name. He took buses as far as he could, almost 2 hours away to a larger metropolitan area. He found a factory job paying better than anything would have in his home town. He lived with multiple people he had met, cutting his rent into a fraction of the cost. He put himself into technical college to learn mechanical engineering and schematic drafting. After that, he’s happy with a wife and kids, and a great salary to afford anything he wants now. He didn’t sit around and complain about how crappy his life was. He didn’t wait on the government or Joe freaking Biden to give him a handout. He knew what he wanted, and he went and got it.
3. Decide What You Believe
At the end of the day, there are good people and bad people. You can not control what others decide to do. But you can control yourself. By setting up your community and a better location, you’re gaining traction. Now it’s time to lay down your belief systems and re-write them. Do you really believe that you can’t go to college for the dream job that you’ve always wanted? Have you even applied to any colleges? Have you done any research to see what it takes to get into college?
Today, start with speaking to someone close to you that you absolutely trust. Whether they are family, a friend, or a mentor. Let them pour into you good knowledge. Not that negative bull crap that only sets you back more in life. You need to always be moving forward, not backward. Claw and scratch your way into that opportunity that you’ve always wanted, if that’s what it takes. And it doesn’t have to be college, but that’s just an example. Were you told that you can’t amount to anything? Lay that down. It’s too heavy for you to carry now, unless you are John Cena. Do you truly believe that you will always work at fast food restaurants? Why can’t you go work somewhere different? Why can’t you go learn a new skill by working for someone else?
Now is the time to lay down all of those false realities that you have allowed yourself to believe for far too long. Now, it’s time for you to believe what you decide is right for your life. Do you want to go into college and become a nurse, a lawyer, or start practicing a trade like carpentry? Now is the time. Do you dream of a large beautiful ranch house with plenty of land, but never thought it was possible because of your family situation growing up? That’s in the past. You get to believe in what you want to believe now. And you will achieve more as you set your mentality on the prize. Dreams do come true.
In Summary:
It doesn’t matter where you came from, how you were brought up, or what you believe. That all changes today, tomorrow, and the next day. Find a therapist that will question your beliefs and strip down your thought processes. Put the past in the past. Set down those bricks that are too heavy to carry. Find a thriving community of people, new location with boundless opportunities, and let your beliefs run wild. Instead of putting every idea down with a negative thought of, “I can’t”, decide to start saying, “How can I achieve that?”
I wish the best for you all.
No Place Like Gone 