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Lifestyle

What is Missing?

I’m sure that not everyone reads mental health blogs and listens to the woes of therapy podcasts in their daily life. Huh, no one? Just me? Okay, it’s cool. So, I’m super interested in this stuff. And as I geek out consistently over how the brain has created alternate realities for every single one of us, it becomes apparent that we are all so different. Although, we do share one common goal in life – and that’s survival.

Whether you are having the time of your life partying it up on a crystal clear beach in Florida right now even though it’s winter, or whether you are stuck between a rock and a hard place; we’re surviving. [Breaks out into song] 🎵 We’re all in this together! 🎵 If you know where this song is from, I’ll make sure you get extra tax refund money back this year. 😜

Seriously though, we are all in different stages of life and what’s craziest is that we all come from different upbringings and backgrounds. Expecting other people to understand how you grew up and see your lifelong misery is often a futile endeavor.  Just to name a few: growing up in poverty, being a less privileged social class, no one in your family has ever gone to college, ignorance of economic education, and COVID-19, just to name a few things that can separate all of our understandings as human beings.

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Wherever you are in your walk of life, one thing becomes apparent – we all need to spend more time on our mental health. In this crazy day and age, you can go from what society considers a “normal” functioning person to full panic attack and mental break down in the blink of an eye. This stuff isn’t a joke – and certainly not to be messed with. I’ve seen it firsthand, as I’m sure others of you have too.

Another huge problem we face as a society is that we reward staying busy. If you work longer hours at your job, you’ll get paid more. If you continue to perform well in your duties, you’ll get a promotion. The more degrees and training you can take on, the more useful you can become as an employee. The more you sacrifice in your personal life – kids’ ball games, dance recitals, anniversaries and birthday parties – the better and more successful you will be with the capitalistic economy that we live under. Everything we do seems to be measured on a scale, like we are just a method of production. Also, as the years progress, computers and technology are replacing many everyday jobs that some of us take pride in doing. It’s difficult everywhere we look.

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So, what can we all do differently?

One of the most important things we need to do is focus on our mental health. And to do that, this will require putting a lot of new habits into place for most of us. It’s no surprise that we have evolved as a species of cavemen/women unto where we are now. Unfortunately, it does come as a surprise to find out that our brains are running on ancient technology – a stone tablet if you will. This is essentially the equivalent to a pre-historic Apple iPad, but without all the iCloud and Bluetooth features. I call it the stone phone, instead of the smart phone. Basically, a parchment with some letters, and it’s difficult to even make out the words because they have faded over the millennia. That’s how old the technology of our brain is. It hasn’t been able to evolve as well as the rest of the world has over time.

To explain a little more, let’s come back to our original point above about the need for survival. Our brain prioritizes survival, and this is an innate process embedded deep within us. As far back as pre-historic days, the most important process of the brain was to keep you safe. It was constantly searching for danger in the environment around you. If the brain didn’t keep you alive, well how would we have evolved as a species into the intelligent humans that we are now?

In olden times, if a bear appeared next to you in the jungle – your body would go into shock. Your mind would have the options of fight, flight, or freeze. You’ve probably heard this before, and it’s how your brain is programmed to keep you alive.

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The problem comes when we fast forward thousands of years to where we are now. I assume that many of us are not fending for our lives from bears and lions in the wilderness anymore. Although if you are, kudos to you. Keep it up, my jungle friends! Because our brain is still trying to run this script of code that is ancient technology, it hasn’t quite figured out how to adapt to the chaos of today. Science, technology, and infrastructure has shaped faster than our minds ever will be able to do. So, unfortunately, this leaves YOU as the only person who can train and prepare your mind for today’s problems. Lucky for you, there’s plenty of resources on the internet, in libraries, and here on our blog.

Anxiety is an alarm system

When your phone or clock buzzes in the morning, we know that you hit snooze a few times … and that’s okay! Anxiety functions in a similar way to this alarm that we are all used to. Some of the symptoms of anxiety are quicker breathing, faster heart rate, pain in your chest, panic attacks, intrusive or spiraling thoughts, and your logic system shutting off. This results in you being less logical and much more vulnerable and emotional. When you feel some of these indicators and start to think that you are having anxiety, stop there. Think to yourself why you would be feeling anxious and see if you can pinpoint the problem. This can be an extremely difficult process, so keep with it. The same way that it took falling off your bicycle with training wheels as a kid a few times to learn how to ride a bike applies here.

Learning new habits and processes are not easy and you must be patient. Practice writing down your thoughts and feelings when you feel anxious. Observe your environment and see if something has changed recently to cause an alarm bell within you. Maybe you are fast approaching a work deadline and your co-workers keep wanting to talk about their weekend plans. Politely tell them that you are busy and need to get a lot of work done. Even better, ask them for help with your deadline!

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You are not broken

Every single person on this planet has a similar brain structure and processes that you do. Although, our upbringing and phases of life do reshape how we think, believe, and the knowledge we hold. Anyone on this Earth can have anxiety or depression, even freaking President Joe Biden himself. No one can escape the importance of mental health and wellness. This is a very important piece of the puzzle – remember that you are not broken. You do not have to be isolated, alone, and you are also not the only one who is hurt. Look around you to the people you know, and even strangers on the street, everyone is struggling in different ways.

Look at COVID-19 as a historic example. Many, many people lost their jobs or their homes overnight. Factories and corporations shut down at the drop of a hat. If you were not prepared for any of this to happen, your world was probably shaken upside down – like many of us. One of the only things we can positively say that came out of the COVID pandemic is that mental health has been given a wonderful spotlight across news networks and social media.

Counseling therapy is important

The word therapy itself means, “treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder.” The reality is that many of us are trying to pay the bills, have family, and just enjoy life. To do this, especially when mental health conditions appear within you, you need to get educated about this stuff. The great thing about counselors and therapists are that they can help you understand yourself, your mind, your trauma, and the brain very well. You don’t even have to get a college degree yourself to learn this wizardry!

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A counselor is basically a life coach who is in your corner rooting for you. They have years of psychology education, training and experience of various mental health conditions that you might have and can guide you through the dark when you need it the most. Get a counselor in your corner, even if they cost a lot for their help. Research your local area, and great resources online like BetterHelp.com. Often, you can get discounts through insurance and free session credits through EAP (Employee Assistance Program) if your job offers this.

Community is crucial to you

I am willing to admit right away that I suck at this one. I don’t have very many friends, and I have pushed away or outgrown a large part of the people who used to be in my life. These have been my own personal choices, and I have walked through the solitude that this can often bring with it. I am saying this to encourage others of you to realize that we are all human and make mistakes. Some of us are not very social and have to learn new skills to make friends.

A large part of building community around you is healing through your own personal trauma. You certainly don’t have to do this alone. This why counselors, therapists, family, and friends are there for you. It is difficult for any of us to hold the world on our shoulders and not to let the weight crush us slowly.

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As far back as science has been able to find, people have lived in communities. A large group of people would band together to create a tribe, and they would settle down in a practical area or travel together to new environments. If you always keep your mental woes trapped in your head, they will not have a healthy place within this world. Forming community allows us to discuss our problems together, lean on each other’s strengths, and to increase our chances of survival.

Medicine helps in times of need

Medicine often has a bad reputation, especially when it comes to scary words like anti-psychotics and anti-depressants. Those words are enough to scare even a child away from taking these kinds of medicines. Not to mention that medicines can be extremely expensive and difficult to get prescribed in the first place. Regardless of crappy health care and other related issues, medicine does exist as a last resort, or even a supplemental way to aid you. There’s nothing “bad” with taking medicine, especially when it does genuinely help you.

Drop the stigma and contact your general doctor, or a psychiatrist. The way that I like to explain medicine when it comes to mental health is that it can snip the strings of the heavy load that you are carrying around with you. Once it snips the strings, you can combine all of the other above processes (and new skills from counseling) to help you become successful.

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NAMI and Other Internet Resources:

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a very important resource for mental health. You probably have noticed a few of the infographics I have placed on this blog, and they have all come from NAMI. They do magnificent research around mental health and work with health professionals from all over the world to help us fix this ongoing mental health crisis many of us face today.

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is another wonderful resource surrounding mental health. Government money helps aid this company with doing research, providing resources, and helping those in need – regardless of the problem.

Call 911 if you or someone you know is in immediate danger, or go to the nearest emergency room.

Call or text 988 to connect with a trained crisis counselor, who are available 24-hours a day when you need them most.

There are plenty of other resources out there, but these are a few of the most important that I have seen available for anyone to use.


The bottom line … YOU are worth being well

The funny thing is that if you look back up at the top of this blog, I was talking about the ways that success is measured in society. A few of these being long hours in the workplace, success in your career ladder, and even the freaking expensive car that you own. These are the things that society, TV, banks, and corporations want you to believe are important. So, maybe it’s time that you start putting what is important in front of you first. I’ll help you with this. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and everywhere else with the buttons below:

Our messages are always open, and we welcome anyone who needs help. That is the whole reason that we do this thing.

No Place Like Gone is a playground for documenting our travels, adventures, and educating everyone that we can reach with the knowledge that we are able to learn from around the world. We want your life to be high quality, and full of what you love the most. We want you to wake up in the morning always smiling for a new day. From my mind to yours, let me pour my insight into you. My name is Matt, and I thank you for reading my blog today. Good blessings to you all, my friends.

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Below are the infographic files from NAMI that have been used in this blog. Feel free to download them for yourself to send to your loved ones or anyone who needs these resources:

Below are other similar blogs that we have written:

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Lifestyle

Things I Learned From Therapy

I felt like I was in a rut for quite a long time. Unfortunately, I felt trapped. I worked crazy long hours thinking that the harder I worked, the more I sacrificed, the more sanity I lost – it was truly worth it. But for what? Autopilot is the mode that I was set on, believing that I was a money making machine for a company, with no other goals of my own. I didn’t have many hobbies (outside of video games), nor did I care to get out and make friends, or try new things. After dating in my early 20’s I finally met my lovely girlfriend of almost two years now. She helped me realize that I was sabotaging myself and sinking bit by bit. Fast forward more and my mother lined me up with an excellent therapist she found, so I took a leap of faith.

I had never recognized myself as a person who needs therapy. Sure, I wasn’t happy in a lot of areas of my life. However, I kept feeling like if I could keep producing at my career and also clear levels in video games, then I couldn’t go wrong. I was constantly progressing, even if only on digital screens. I literally became a machine, turning off emotion and feelings so that I could complete my projects by their deadlines. I didn’t have much of a social life. The average person looking in at me would probably realize how weird and struggling I was, but I just couldn’t bring myself mentally to ask for help. Whether it was medicine, counseling, or divine intervention, I didn’t think it would cure me. You might know someone else like this or find yourself in the same boat as me. Hear me say: You Are Drowning.

There’s always a storm coming. Are you well enough to weather the next one?

Medicine Breaks the Cycle

Having self-deprecating habits and vicious thoughts in your head for a prolonged period of time can lead to mental health issues. You’ve heard of the most common: anxiety, depression, eating disorders. What most people don’t understand is that your thoughts and mentality are the commanders in charge of your body. If you constantly hear negative thoughts or have spiraling anxiety, it’s no wonder why you are in a depressive fog. Take the time to acknowledge it if this is you. Even watch the people around you to check their well-being. The crazy thing is that no one ever really teaches you about mental health unless you decide to research it yourself or get in touch with a therapist.

Shown are various versions of mental illnesses that people may suffer from.

Medicine like anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, and mood stabilizers are commonly prescribed by doctors. It is the belief by many that medicine won’t fix you, and you also wouldn’t want to take a “crazy drug.” I get it, I felt the same way. I take a few medicines now, and I still feel the same way. Let it be known that medicine will not fix you. So what’s the point?

If you continue to follow through with the same actions but expect a different outcome, that is the definition of insanity. The aforementioned medicines serve as a pair of scissors, safely snipping the wire between negative thoughts and your brain’s imbalance of chemicals. Further reading on how this works here. Once the cycle has been stopped, or at least slowed down in most cases, you can finally get to work on improving. Again, medicine will not fix you. However, it is a stepping stone that many people have to approach so that they can get well in the long term.

This is a chart showing commonly used psychiatric medicines for mental health. Educate yourself about them, and all of their side effects. Ask your doctor for info.

It goes without saying that you should always ask your doctor about all benefits, risks, and side effects that any medicine has before you take it. Not every medicine works for every person. Be careful and educate yourself on what you are prescribed, what it does, its side effects, and why you are taking it.

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Counseling Teaches You Improvement

We’ve all seen the corny movie scenes of a person sitting in a room with a hot therapist talking about their feelings. Yeah, that’s not real life. Thanks Hollywood. I would argue that many peoples’ beliefs about counseling is that they talk about their problems, get it out, then move on. That’s only a fraction of the purpose. This is important. You will not fix your marriage by going to one counseling session, screaming your feelings at a therapist, and then going back home to continue your same old behaviors with your spouse anyway.

You will not fix your marriage by going to one counseling session, screaming your feelings at a therapist, and then going back home to continue your same old behaviors with your spouse anyway.

No Place Like Gone, 2022

The main purpose of counseling is so that you can educate yourself on mental health, learn new processes, and grow as a person towards a better version of you. We all have things that we can work on, and I will never believe that anybody is perfect. Counseling works a little different for everyone, depending on how resistant you are to change. It usually takes going for at least a few sessions, talking about your feelings, realizing that you actually want to change, hearing your therapist when they teach you new behaviors to practice, and finally you implementing these changes into your life. Now hear me say that it takes patience. You will not get it the first time. Or the second. Think back to when you learned to ride a bicycle, or swim, or play an instrument. It took many times of falling off of that bicycle so that you could learn enough motor coordination as a child to learn how to balance and peddle in tandem. Learning anything in life is no different.

Use therapy as a chance to be heard with your feelings, but also soak up all of the practical advice that they have. Take notes down in a notepad as you speak with your counselor. This is serious. It’s just like sitting back in class when you were in grade school or college. Only this time, this is THE MOST important subject that you can learn in the world – you! Ask your therapist for practical tips and things that you can try differently with your life, behavior, and actions. Therapy is about you getting the help that you need, not your therapist just asking you questions for an hour every session.

Purposes of Counseling:

  • Having a confidential partner to talk to
  • Letting a trained professional speak into your life
  • Assessing your thoughts, habits, behaviors, and actions
  • Implementing a plan to become well mentally
  • Changing your view of people, the world, and life
  • Learning new skills of communication, how to cope, grief and forgiveness, understanding your thoughts and emotions better
  • Finding the resources and people that you need in your life
  • Processing trauma and powerful events in your life
  • Becoming a more positive and healthy YOU

It’s also important to note that not every therapist is the right match for you. It may take you some time to find the one that fits your style just right. Luckily, I struck gold on the second time and am blessed for that. Remember that going to counseling is about helping you improve, so don’t waste your time if it doesn’t feel right. But you definitely need to keep trying. No matter the stakes.


I’d like to take some time to mention Better Help. They are an excellent online community of licensed therapists, counselors, and psychiatrists willing to help you no matter where you live in the country (United States specifically). Currently, I am in no way affiliated with Better Help, but I have heard from multiple people that I know that this program can be excellent for new people discovering counseling. Their programs are quite affordable, between $60 and $90 per weekly session, which is compared to the average of $200-$400 for a typical counseling sit-down session in your local town’s mental health practice. Check them out here, to begin your journey now to getting well, from the safety of your home in this crazy world.


Community Keeps You Connected

There are times when you want to fall off of the wagon. Yes, that’s an old person saying but there is a reason that old people get to live to such an old age! They have wise life advice radiating out of them like a fountain. Arguably one of the best systems to keep you connected to getting well is a community. As a species, we have evolved from creatures that gathered in tribes, fought wars, struggled and survived together. No one wants to be left to survive alone.

Find your local community willing to stand next to you. We are social creatures.

Plug in to a community near you. It may be people your age, or different. People who like doing things that you like doing. Find a local hiking group, sewing club, or business development workshop. The important thing is finding people who accept you and who want to be around you. These people over time will want to protect you like you protect them. You become indoctrinated into the music tribe, the swimming tribe, the old cat lady tribe, or whatever it is! These people are the ones that can hold your hand when the nights get dark. When you want to skip the medicine because you are out of hope. When you quit trying to love yourself because you feel worthless. Look to this community of people that you are building to speak into your life.

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You are your worst critic, and therefore you will drag yourself down into a bottomless pit of sorrow if you do not grab a hand fast. Having loved ones, friends, colleagues, a mentor, all help to position yourself not to fail next time. You will make mistakes, you will miss taking medicine one day, you might skip practicing good behaviors, and fall off of the deep end quickly. Let others be there to help when you need it most. Lean on them, “because in counsel there is safety.” Humanity functions best when we are connected and working towards the same goal of survival together.

Lean on them, “because in counsel there is safety.”

Proverbs 11:14 – the Bible (KJV)

On the other side, be the light at the end of the tunnel for others if they need you by their side. Everyone is struggling in a different way. It may be under the surface of all of those smiles and laughs that you find the truth about them. Always be kind, and allow yourself to love.

Mental Health Must Be Treated Like Physical Health

Many people have the impression that you just are who you are. You can’t change, or improve. You’ll always be Chuck from New Hampshire, with the same old car and the same old behaviors. This is not true. When you gain weight, you may experience various health conditions related to that. When you go to the doctor they will tell you to exercise, get on a diet, and try this appetite-suppressing pill. If you have the willpower to stick through a tough regimen, you will undoubtedly come out healthier and happier on the other side.

Mental health is no different. People want to separate physical health, mental health, spiritual health and tackle them in order of what is the easiest thing to do (most of the time). But we as a society have a bad picture of this. Consider your body like a piece of machinery, let’s say a car just like you drive to work everyday. Without a working engine, the car won’t move. Without gas in the tank, the car won’t move. Without a working computer chip, the car won’t move. I know this is an abstract way of explaining this, but treat your wellbeing the same.

Physical + Emotional + Mental + Social + Spiritual Health = The Best YOU!

Your brain is a muscle which should be fed knowledge, books, and positive behaviors and actions to keep it healthy. Your body is composed of complex systems that need a balanced diet, but not in excess of too much food. Working out is crucial to your physical fitness, but also has phenomenal effects for your mind as well. You also have to change behaviors or make new lifestyle choices because of your age at times throughout life. Your spiritual health must be what your soul desires, based off of your belief systems, and so that you can feel peaceful inside. But all of these pieces of the puzzle work together to create who YOU are. Never separate them again.

When you feel sad or depressed, see your doctor or find a local psychiatrist. When a loved one passes away, or you lose a job, see a counselor immediately. These things need to be processed, so that your mind will not veer off into the shadow realm of negative. If you don’t feel like getting out of bed everyday (who does honestly?) then maybe you are burned out or feeling lost without purpose. Find a psychiatrist that can help regulate your biochemical imbalances. Trust me, every little step matters. Rome wasn’t built in a day, or by one single person either. You aren’t in this alone.

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Self Improvement – Other Options

There are dozens of mental health podcasts, books, documentaries, Ted Talks on Youtube, and so much more to find. Whether you have severe anxiety or have been diagnosed with a serious label by a licensed psychologist, there are resources out there to help you. Ask your counselor or psychiatrist for any options they can provide you. Also do your work to find your own systems that work. I also don’t recommend getting your mental health advice from TikTok (sorry gen-Z’s).

Here’s an excellent TedTalk video on the views of stress, and how anyone can combat it:

How to Make Stress Your Friend – Kelly McGonigal (via TedTalk on YouTube)

For me, I found a few different mental health podcasts that I enjoy listening to online. They really dig deep, and you basically get to listen to a counselor walking through trauma and actionable steps with a person in the same boat as you! The one I recommend the most undoubtedly to anyone is the John Delony Show on YouTube. John holds two PhD’s, one in higher education, and the other in psychology. He worked for years as the Director of Students for a university, and also was on call at all hours of the day to serve as a trauma response superhero. I had the pleasure of meeting him just recently at his show in Nashville, TN.

Dr. John Delony (far left) and Dave Ramsey (far right). Why are we so short?

Another podcast on Youtube that I highly recommend is Healthy Gamer GG. He gives great advice to various content creators on the platform, all live and raw for you to listen to and process through. There’s also plenty of books that can help educate you about mental health, I’ll leave a few below:

In Conclusion

At the end of all of this, know that you are worth being well. Also know that whatever you choose to do moving forward, you will always follow you. You can continue to carry baggage, pain, suffering, and mental health conditions around with you like a pet. Or you can work on positive change every single day. It’s not easy, but it will always be worth it at the end of all of this.

PS: Please send this blog to someone that you know. They could be struggling today, or they know someone who is. We are in this together.

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Charity

I have chosen to donate $100 of my own to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – and below is a fundraiser for additional support that I will send to them. For every $1 that is donated, I will match it with another $1 of my own (on top of the base $100 that I am donating). Please feel no pressure to do this yourself unless you decide that you want to. You can also donate directly to NAMI here.